Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A Round of Apologies For All My Friends!


Happy Jewish New Year, reader!

Let me get this year started with a big soggy apology to everybody I know for my general self, but mostly:

S: Sorry I didn't go to your show during the Howl! Festival. I just couldn't get onto the train to see all the paintings that got into the show that I was rejected by. Wah. Really. I am sorry and pathetic.

Mom (and some others): Sorry that I have a laff sometimes at the expense of the Mormon Church. I do that not out of spite, but more out of endearment and nostalgia. Your Mormonhood is great and I would never want you to change it. Except for Mormon chapel architecture circa 1955-present. Change that.

Hasidic Jews: Sorry that I sit there on the subway and stare at your clothing. It's awesome.

Errorista: Sorry for setting you up for a bad haircut circa 1976. I think you know the Bubble Yum was mine.

Fat Cyclist: Sorry that my blog is far too not exciting enough to EVER post a comment on ONCE during your cult-like fame. Someday you will regret that. Right?

Jazz Musician Downstairs: Sorry that my raucous young Utahns are messing up your rent-controled jazz vibe. For $350.00 a month, you deserve better. Oh, and also, sorry that I still haven't listened to the self-published CD that you gave me the last time you came up to complain about the noise. What you don't know is that I've already lived that CD over and over through the vibrations rising up through my floor and into my feet as I paint. Unpleasant? Why, yes.

Young Utahns: Sorry that I always ask you to stomp more quietly.

Pete Ashdown for U.S. Senate: Sorry that I registered to vote in NY. I really hope you do beat that Orrin Hatch. Fool can't sing.

Dad: Sorry that your granddaughter is a vegetarian who considers fishing barbaric. I still haven't told her about the elk.

Cashier At The Korean Deli: Sorry I always refer to you as, "Nice Cashier," when you are so quietly sweet to my young Utahns. I honestly don't know if you are a man or a lady, or even a girl or a boy. You are a beautiful mystery.

Elderly Next Door Neighbors In Utah: Sorry I moved to NYC without really saying goodbye. I know you invested a lot of heart and birthday cards into our family. Goodbye.

Sis: Sorry that I didn't end up giving your son a kidney. I really wanted to and still might if you want it.

Running Buddy: Sorry that I didn't believe you today that I would sink down into that elephant-sized pile of mulch instead of miraculously being able to scale it. I heard someone once walked on the water so I thought mulch would be easy for me because I'm a pretty good person. Maybe not.

Galleries I Left This Year: Sorry.

Afghanistantastic: Sorry that you are in the Air Force serving in Afhanistan, baby sister. I know you are not sorry, but I wish you had taken an interest in something safer like....anything else.

That's enough of that, wouldn't you say?

6 Comments:

Anonymous Errorista said...

Of all the things you've done wrong to me, this is the apology I get? Hmph. Ok, well to reciprocate, I'd like to apologize for wearing your clothes without your permission while we were in High School and Jr. High. Also, I'm sorry I didn't tell you my suspicions that Safeway Dave was gay before you started dating him. Ok. I feel a lot better now.

1:33 PM  
Blogger newbrooklyner said...

Safeway Dave was gay?

2:24 PM  
Anonymous fatty said...

hey, that wasn't an apology -- that was a reprimand! and from now on, i will leave a comment -- even when i have nothing to say. like in this comment, for example.

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.poynteronline.org/column.asp?id=34&aid=88811
This is for you.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Pete Ashdown said...

Don't worry about the vote, your encouragement (and telling everyone in New York) is all I need.

12:19 PM  
Blogger newbrooklyner said...

Fatty: I'm sorry (that you deserved a riprimand.)

Anon: Ouchy.

Mr. Ashdown: They love you here. Can I have more stickers to stick all over the subway?
P.S. Don't look now, but an American Flag is about to jump you.

4:25 PM  

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