Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Terror


I wonder what it would be like to be stepping onto Afghanistan today.
I wonder what novel you would read during a flight to Afghanistan.
I wonder what kind of special things you would gather up for a trip to Afghanistan.
I could have asked my youngest sister the third question for the months that have led up to her being required to go that wrecked desert. I could have asked her the second question yesterday. I could ask the first today.
I haven't asked her much at all, though, lately and I guess maybe I won't until she's back safe at her new Arizona house next spring, poring over paint chips and studying an Ikea catalogue with me. I bluster around with my other siblings about her deployment but keep my mouth closed with Air Force Christy. Part of this silence could be confrontation-cowardice. The other part just might be me holding my breath.
These questions are not so tough really. I gave them a lot more blog real estate than they require. They could have been reduced to one query; how is it for you to go to Afghanistan, Christy? But all I've ever really gotten out from behind these teeth was a vow to her that come springtime, I'll fly across country to help her decorate. This wispy promise becomes more real to me than the recognition of that which she will be doing in the months preceding her return. I focus on the Vlack shelves vs. the Bjorgstjyl shelves. The Celestial Robin's Egg Blue or Storm Drain Grey paint? Will Ikea have a new catalogue out when she gets home? Silly small questions, these are everything that I hang my hope on. If we decorate her new house next spring, it will mean she is ok.
So then will I be brave enough to ask her what she saw at war with terror in Afghanistan?

4 Comments:

Blogger ZinniaSoCA said...

That was a heartwrenching post and, as usual, your words convey so much beyond just what is visible in the written out faces of the words, much as there is something beyond mere color, composition, form, etc., in your paintings.

I would feel the same in the same position, and I share many of your unspoken questions. She will be in my prayers and I think that's all we can do, no matter how much we wish we could so more. I will look forward to seeing a blog about paint chips and Ikea catalogs at the earlest possible moment.

As I approach the end of my life, it seems to me that our closest connections are not our children, as I had thought. They are our siblings. We love our children beyond measure, and our parents as well, but our siblings have shared pretty much our entire lives, and that in our own frame of reference. So they come the closest to being able to understand us, and we them. They know pretty uch what it's like to strive in this particular time frame. And we also usually feel an extra sense of protectiveness towards those who are younger, so that would certainly add to the concern about having any of them going to dangerous places.

My prayers for her safety will continue, as well as for a measure of peace for you.

6:04 PM  
Blogger adhdchildren said...

Hey, good job with your blog! I love reading your posts. I have one too. Come and check it out if you get time :-)

It's a help adhd site/blog. It pretty much covers help adhd related stuff.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Ayoye said...

Blogs can help boost a career or sink it
PHILADELPHIA - Terrence Ryan knew Scott McNulty in passing at the University of Pennsylvania's ... and Sun Microsystems Inc.
I recycle my old stuff here Timbres maybe you should too

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Errorista said...

You write so well I envy you on yet another level...

Little sister will be fine, she is impervious and bulletproof to all the bad and dangerous in this world. Just like the rest of us. A charmed clan of crazy.

2:00 PM  

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